Secret

In my Resolutions post, I talked about how I needed to take back my life in 2009.

In an effort to effect a change in my attitude, I picked up "The Secret" last night. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and the very first words I read upon opening the book were so profound that they stopped me dead in my tracks, invoking much thought about my present situation and my feelings.

"Everything that surrounds you right now in your life, including the things you're complaining about, you've attracted. I know at first blush that's going to be something that you hate to hear. You're going to immediately say, "I didn't attract the car accident, I didn't attract this particular client who gives me a hard time. I didn't particularly attract the debt." I'm here to be a little bit in your face and to say, yes you did attract it. This is one of the hardest concepts to get, but once you've accepted it, it's life transforming."

What powerful words.

As well this line impressed itself upon my mind, "It is impossible to feel bad and at the same time have good thoughts."

Since writing my Resolution post, I have effected changes in my mind and life, just by:

1. Making decisions about how to move on from this point. I do not function well when things are not clearly laid out in my mind. Indecision drives me to distraction, moving forward with only a vague notion about where to go doesn't work for me either. So deciding to work on this and laying out a plan of attack has helped move forward.

2. Realizing that I cannot change my mom's situation. She is content, dealing with her loss and is thankful to be here instead of being alone.

After much conversation, we all three realize that we moved too fast after the death of my father, but I remember feeling that I could prevent her from suffering emotionally if she was not alone. A huge misjudgement on my part. I realize now that she is alone and will be alone for the rest of her life even though she is here with us.

3. Doing what I want when I want and not letting the guilt over leaving my mom alone infiltrate my thoughts and mind. Again, remembering I cannot change her situation nor take away her aloneness.

4. Putting Barb at the top of my list.

5. Realizing as Don has said many times "nothing in the family has changed". My family is the way it has always been. So why should I expect a sudden shift in their method of communication, concern or level of support?

The change unfortunately has been in me, not in my siblings. It is as it has always been - nothing has changed. So in order to move forward, I must effect the change in myself.

So, I move on from this point, feeling so much better about how to deal with everything.

It is odd how just making these decisions and re-reading "The Secret" has given me a new found sense of peace.

I intend to only think the type of thoughts that I wish returned to me. What I put out into the universe is exactly what I will expect to get back. Negative words, thoughts and feelings will be replaced with positive words, thoughts and feelings.

And always remembering "Like Attracts Like."