Living In The Present

Having recently read "The New Earth" by Eckhart Tolley, I find my new found skills being put to the test.

Yesterday I spent the day until 11:00pm last night at the hospital with my mother. She is 83 and has suffered from high blood pressure for over 15 years. In the past few weeks, she has experienced some rather odd events. We had thought they were slight strokes with symptoms of dizziness/disorientation, out of focus vision, extreme fatigue after the fact, head pain, etc.

This was ruled out when yesterday her blood pressure sky rocketed to over 200 (the top number or systolic reading), which puts her at a very high risk for stroke or massive heart attack. The specialist said it was her blood pressure and as well her heart which has considerable damage from the years of high blood pressure.

During the day she was experiencing dizziness, numbness and tingling as well as a very severe head ache.

The cardiologist decided to keep her in the hospital for a few days to experiment with some new medications to try to bring her blood pressure down to a more manageable level.

This brings me to the point of my post.

I must stay focused on the present. I was wakeful all night projecting myself to the possible future and of course thinking of all different scenarios.

- What if she doesn't survive this episode? We talked in the hospital about the possibility of her death and she was clear that she did not want to be resuscitated should she suffer a heart attack or stroke. These things are extremely hard to discuss but necessary.

- How would my father cope should my mother not survivie him ... he is very disabled and she does everything for him.

- How would we as a family help him?

- How will I fit in spending time with my mother, possibly cooking some meals for my dad with my therapy which I still have 4 times a week.

With my parents ages at 83 and 88 it is difficult to not project into the future, especially when one of them is not well.

The doctor expressed great concern last night about my mother's very high blood pressure and as well getting it down to lower the high risk factor for stroke/heart attack.

Today I will pick up some personal articles and spend a little time with her before coming home to cook meals for us as well as my dad.

Also, I need to some "still" time today to try to refocus on the present and not continue projecting to what may or may not happen in the near future.

I must remind myself that my worry or concern for the future will not change the outcome.

What will be - will be ..............