In my last post, I introduced you to the beautiful Bengal cats that my daughter brought to her home. What I didn't mention was that I had paid for one (Harrison) fully anticipating that he would come home with me. Although concerned about our dog Chelsea and if she would accept Harrison (she's a very jealous dog), I went ahead and bought him, thinking in time it would work out. I never imagined that my husband would be the obstacle over which I would have to climb to acquire this beautiful pet.
I love animals ..... have always had a great admiration and respect for BIG cats, and in fact have many pieces of art showcasing leopards, tigers, etc.... This little fellow having been breed many generations back with the Asian Leopard Cat simply captured my heart. The physical beauty of these cats is unsurpassed ..... simply stunning leopard like pelts.
Historically due to allergies, standard domestic cats never entered my mind as a possible pet. The Bengals who are virtually hypoallergenic and extremely friendly did not give me the opportunity to stay aloof as I usually did with cats.
Harrison & Brahm cuddled up .... entertained me for hours and, completely oblivious to the fact that I am (or so I thought) not a cat person demanded my attention and my love.
Unfortunately, my husband made it quite clear that he "hates cats" and absolutely does not want a cat in the house. Remembering the old piece of advise to "choose your battles" .... I swallowed down my disappointment and left Harrison there last night after we celebrated Jayden's 7th birthday.
Happy Birthday my love!!!! I can't believe it has been seven years since I watched you make an entrance into this world.
Historically, I have always covered my feelings with a "whatever" attitude - joking and making light of what is deep down, so that is exactly how I handled my disappointment yesterday.
"Never let them see your weakness".
Don has absolutely no idea of how devastated and disappointed I really am. Actually, I myself am struggling with why I am so disappointed ... after all I have only known Harrison since Wednesday, but am totally in love with this beautiful boy. Sometimes there are animals that touch a heart string, my boy Jake (a Schnoodle who died 3 years ago) was one of the very few animals I have had in my life that did this and it would appear that Harrison seems to have done it too in a very short time. He's a little timid and just touches that protective instinct in me.
Fortunately I can still see him at Sebrina's but will miss the affection and bond that could be ours alone were he to live with me. But it won't be the same. The bond that I shared with Jake was deep and I still keenly feel his loss after 3 years. Jake used to lie with his body pressed against my thigh whenever I sat down ... oddly Harrison did exactly the same thing when I stayed at Sebrina's this past week reminding me of Jake.
It really seems quite silly to be so upset over not getting another pet. Is it because I did not get my way or I am truly upset because Harrison will not be coming to live with me. Something I must examine within myself over the next few days as I accept my disappointment. Of course every time I go to Sebrina's I will be reminded of what I lost.
Well, back to bed to try to sleep .... I apologize for using this forum to rant .... but it actually feels better to write my feelings down rather than hold them inside.
7 comments:
It is best to talk about how you feel (even with Don). Holding in our emotions is how we get sick. The kids keep referring to Harrison as "Mammy's cat". So even though he doesn't live with you he can still be yours :)
Go ahead and write all (and everything) you want. Barb, you could write 10 pages of post and I would still read every single word you wrote. You had all these wonderful plans with this new and affectionate pet that reminded you of Jake and suddenly you had a stick put into your wheel. The way I would feel would be very hurt that I had to change my plans on the drop of a hat.
Sometimes when the people that love us unconditionally day in and day out go against our plans/decisions - it sure hurts our feelings doesn't it. I know what you're saying Barb about already being in love with that new pet.
Please consider telling Don how you feel Barb.
:-)
I agree with Seb! :)
If you tell Don your thoughts, what's the worst that could happen? Especially considering that, at this point in time, you aren't going to bring Harrison home.
Sometimes we think that the other knows how troubled we are, but it just might come as a complete surprise to him, however impossible that seems now.
Anyhow, I am truly sorry for your trouble. You put your heart on the line, and it is now tinged with sadness, and I hope it heals soon.
Oh, Barb. If Don knew how much this meant to you I'm sure he would be more receptive to giving it a try. Especially if you share with him how much Harrison reminds you of Jake. Please talk to him. You know even if he doesn't agree right away Harrison may grow on him when he visits Sebrina. I hate to see you hurting and I'm sure he would too. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! Hugs!
i think it's really healthy to get your feelings out and for me, it's exactly what a blog is for! :-) i hope you can talk it over with your husband. surely he too would be won over by the wonderful little harrison and would maybe find out he too has an inner cat person. especially if he knows how important it is to you...
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