My Daughter - My Treasure

Throughout our lifetime we acquire many friends and acquaintances.

But none can compare to the bond I have with my daughter.

I come from a very fractured family, highly competitive & jealous siblings, parents who didn't teach the value of family. My father had six children, three of whom were with my mother. These were always two very separate families, so it took me until I was nearly 50 to develop a relationship with a half sister. I am thankful every day for her and the unconditional love that we share.

When I became a mother at the very tender age of 20, I turned to my mother and my family doctor for advice. I tried to breastfeed both of my babies, managed approximately 6 weeks, but had trouble with the latch. Between my mother and my doctor, the advice was ... just bind your breasts and dry up ... the babies will get just as much nourishment from formula. What about the all important skin-to-skin bonding between mother and child when they are latched onto the breast??? What about the immunities that passes from mother to child through breastmilk??? When my 6-8 month old babies wouldn't sleep through the night ... the doctor said, just give them water in their bottle ... they'll soon grow tired of waking up for no food. Did the doctor ever stop to think that maybe they were actually hungry??? As soon as they were born, I was told feed them every 4 hours ... you must get them on a schedule, change their diaper and back in the crib ... crying won't hurt them a bit, it will strengthen their lungs. What about the importance of holding a crying baby so they know they are not alone??? After all they just spent 9 months listening to mom's heartbeat, her every movement and the whisper of the amniotic fluid as it held them gently in their cocoon. Why does mainstream parenting think that forcefully ripping a baby from the mother's body and then putting that baby in a crib away from mother is the right way??? We are one of the only countries in the world that don't carry our babies on our bodies for a few months after birth. Think of the animal kingdom ... the kangaroo, leaves the mothers womb and moves into the sack for somewhere between 7-10 months.

I quote and share with you The Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting taking from the International Attachment Parenting website http://www.attachmentparenting.com/index.html

Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting
Become emotionally and physically prepared for pregnancy and birth.
Feed with Love and Respect
Breastfeeding is the optimal way to satisfy an infant's nutritional and emotional needs.
Respond with Sensitivity
Build the foundation of trust and empathy beginning in infancy. Tune in to what your child is communicating to you, and then respond consistently and appropriately. Babies cannot be expected to self-soothe, they need calm, loving, and empathetic parents to help them learn to regulate their emotions. Respond sensitively to a child who is hurting or expressing strong emotion, and share.
Use Nurturing Touch
Touch meets a baby's needs for physical contact, affection, security, stimulation, and movement. Skin-to-skin contact is especially effective, such as during breastfeeding, bathing, or massage. Carrying or baby wearing also meets this need while on the go. Hugs, snuggling, back rubs, massage, and physical play help meet this need in older children.
Engage in Night time Parenting
Babies and children have needs at night just as they do during the day; from hunger, loneliness, and fear, to feeling too hot or too cold. They rely on parents to soothe them and help them regulate their intense emotions. Sleep training techniques can have detrimental physiological and psychological effects. Safe bed sharing or near-sleeping has benefits to both babies and parents.
Provide Consistent and Loving Care
Babies and young children have an intense need for the physical presence of a consistent, loving, responsive parent.
Practice Positive Discipline
Positive discipline helps a child develop a conscience guided by his own internal discipline and compassion for others. Discipline that is empathetic, loving, and respectful strengthens the connection between parent and child. Rather than reacting to behaviour, discover the needs leading to the behaviour.
Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
It is easier to be emotionally responsive when you feel in balance. Create a support network, set realistic goals, put people before things, and don't be afraid to say "no". Recognize individual needs within the family and meet them to the greatest extent possible without compromising your physical and emotional health. Be creative, have fun with parenting, and take time to care for yourself.

I have gone a little off track here, but after watching my daughter parent her children, I have learned a lot about the values quoted above.

Well, despite all of my mistakes as a parent, there was one thing that never wavered ... my love for my children. They were and always will be two of my greatest accomplishments.

My daughter, Sebrina and I have been through many, many trials as mother and daughter and yes there were times, especially in the teen years when I could have given her away (LOL). But then suddenly, I turned around and here was this beautiful young woman standing before a minister saying her marriage vows. Then I blinked again and we were watching as she bore down and delivered our beautiful grandson, Ryan. What an incredible moment that she invited Don and me to share with her and Mike. Then in short succession we were privileged to be part of Jayden & Zanders' beautiful home births. And then just earlier this year she and I shared a very emotional trip to Ethiopia where we met our beautiful granddaughter - Gabriella.

I watch her now as a parent and take pride that I was instrumental in her development. She and I share many happy times together with her children. When I have something to share, she is always the first person I think of calling. It would seem to be the same for her too. There are many days that I get numerous phone calls with tidbits of news, something cute one of the kids did or just a short chat. My day doesn't feel complete without my morning check in from Sebrina.

A couple of weeks ago, I tore the ligaments in my right foot and with my left knee as painful as it has been, I found it difficult to get around easily. Sebrina called and wanted to come over to visit with the children, BUT she said "we will bring dinner".

I am thankful every day for the love and closeness that Sebrina and I share. She is always there for me to listen, to share a chuckle, to share a coffee or just share.

Before Gabriella's arrival, I held a blessingway for Sebrina. This is the letter that I wrote to her then.

I thought that the blessingway for Zander’s birth would be the last one, but here we are celebrating another child, not one of your womb but of your heart. It would seem that you always have room in your heart for just one more.

Just how big is your heart???

Now as we wait (not too patiently) for the little girl that you have dreamed of for many years, I ponder the many joys that motherhood brings to each of us as women.

The joy of becoming a woman and knowing what that privilege bestows upon us.
The deep connection we create & cultivate with another woman when we slowly explore that world of sisterhood & friendship.
The thrill of a new love, exploring that feeling & each other, then settling into the beautiful harmony that comes from joining with another soul
The anticipation we feel in the arrival of a new life. What other experience in the world compares to motherhood!
The pain of losses - physical, emotional & spiritual, which serve to strengthen our character and many times open the door on something even more wonderful.
The intense heart pain we feel for our children during times of pain or sorrow.
The bottomless well of love we feel for our children, the sacrifices we will make for them, even going to the ends of the earth to enlarge your family circle with a very special little girl.

As you and I embark on this momentous journey to the other side of the world to retrieve this beautiful child, I feel in my heart the stirrings of anticipation that I felt with the birth of each of my beautiful boys that you so graciously allowed me to share with you.

I close my eyes and see Gabriella lying in her crib waiting for you – her mother, I see the moment when your gaze falls upon her for the first time and I feel the raw emotions of that moment when she is placed in your arms for the first time.

Thank you for allowing me to be the one to share this incredible experience with you.

The world can sometimes be an ugly place. Look for the beauty that we oft times just don't take the time to notice. To walk barefoot through dew covered grass. To play follow-the-leader with a butterfly as it dances from flower to flower. Enjoy the differences in all humankind. Whether black or white, short or tall, big or small, all of these are children of God, and thus, your brothers and sisters. Find the goodness in them. Extend your arms to them, encircling them in love and kindness. Learn to truly love them by serving them. It is through service that your heart will fully open to those who you might otherwise despise.
Show gratitude, for there is much in life to be thankful for. If we fail to give thanks, then we become apathetic. On the other hand, when we show gratitude we begin to see just how blessed our lives truly are. Always continue learning. It is through learning that the world continues to better itself. Lack of education lends a hand to poverty, to crime, hate, and violence; all things ugly are a form of ignorance. Likewise, all that is beautiful can only is appreciated when one knows how to appreciate it. Love yourself. You are a daughter of God, and that makes your spirit one of nobility. Always remember who you are. You are of great worth. You, my daughter, have a work to do on this earth, a work that only you can accomplish. Through knowing who you are you can learn to love yourself. Then you will never want to do anything that would keep you from your potential. Seek out your talents and gifts and then use these to better the lives of yourself, your family, and your community. By using our talents we will continue to develop them more fully and increase the joy in our lives.
Extend virtuous attributes. Honesty, integrity, diligence, these are virtues that are not always easy to obtain, but they help us to keep a clear conscience. Above all, seek for truth. Search with not only your mind, but also your heart and when truth is found hold onto it. Never let go. My greatest hope is that you will have peace and joy in your life. I don't know what lies ahead for us. I do know, however, that as a mother I have and will continue to make mistakes and that as a daughter you will sometimes be angry with me. You will be hurt by the things of the world and I will not always be able to ease that pain. Sometimes, I may feel as if I have failed you. I suppose this is all part of motherhood. Yet, if I can help make your path through this world more joyful, then I will know that I have been successful as a mother.

My daughter - my treasure ....